One Year and a Day: The Letter to My Daughter That Became a Book
One Year and a Day: The Letter to My Daughter That Became a Book
Episode 11 of Calling Out the Shadows: A Clarity Over Comfort Podcast
By Neal Winsomer · Published July 16, 2026 · Roughly 30 minutes
A Year Ago, a Letter to My Daughter Became a Book. This Is the Reflection.
This is a reflection a year later. A year ago, during a stretch of serious health problems and surgeries, I started what I thought might be a letter to my daughter, something she could open one day. It grew into the book Calling Out the Shadows. This episode is where the year has left me: victory, hope, and honesty, and a look at how it all began and where it goes next.
THE SHORT VERSION
- A year ago, a letter to my daughter became the book Calling Out the Shadows.
- I started it during serious health issues, as something she could open one day.
- I wrote it to show my daughter another side, not to belittle her mother.
- The book has found traction, and the Light Up the Shadows tour is ahead.
- My hope is that healing is still possible, for my daughter’s sake.
LISTEN
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QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS
What is this episode about?
It is a one-year reflection. A year ago a letter to my daughter became the book Calling Out the Shadows. I look back on the health crisis that started it, writing through the pain, and staying connected to my daughter.
Why did you start writing the book?
It began as a letter to my daughter during serious health issues, something she could open one day. I wanted her to have another side of the story. Not to belittle her mother, but to show her the truth as I lived it.
What is the Light Up the Shadows book tour?
It is the tour for Calling Out the Shadows: A Father’s Stand Against the Current, which now includes a large print edition.
Is this episode about co-parenting?
In part. I talk about high-conflict co-parenting and my hope that healing is still possible, for my daughter’s sake. I will not take her from her mother.
Are you an expert?
No. I am no authority. I share my own experience and views as a father, from what I have lived and learned.
IN THIS CONVERSATION
- The letter that became a book
- Writing through a health crisis
- Keeping the story honest, not vengeful
- Early traction and the release
- Helping other authors
- The Light Up the Shadows book tour
- Hope for healing, for my daughter
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Text Transcription of the Episode
Read or download the full text transcription of this episode.
Year of Victory
This is a reflection a year later. As I record this, I’m not sure when it’s going on. It’s July 15th, 2026. And some of the words that come to mind right now, in summary, are victory and seeing this experience and all of it as a win.
Now, it’s not the end-all be-all win. And things are not exactly where I’d like them to be regarding my ex with situations and my daughter. And that’s okay. But right now, I look forward with hope. I look forward with faith. I look forward with honesty.
And at the same time with thanksgiving for everything that’s occurred in the last year. On July 15th 2025 I had been throwing it around a few days prior about, writing what would be a book about the experiences of what had happened,
there was a letter that had started that was going to go to my daughter and when health issues that were not in the best place at the time it was a question of,
is this a daughter is this a letter that’s being left for legacy is this something that hopefully she’ll be able to open.
Is this something to be able to see when I’m gone? The letter started expanding. And then thoughts and an outline around sharing my experience. Not to belittle her mother. Not to show vengeance. Not to show anger. But to show my daughter another side.
And there was a part of me, and again, not being dramatic. But there was a part of me where I saw it with all your parents’ wives.
That if with the issues I was having and the surgeries and the health problems, if I died then and there, her story would be protected because there’d be no other view. So it became something of stating to myself, I want to write this.
And at first it was a letter to my daughter and then it was going to expand into a little bit more. And then other people dealing with conflict Toxic communication. I wasn’t taking the approach of being any kind of expert. I wasn’t. I’m not.
I dealt with this stuff and I’ve dealt with a lot of different people all over the world, a lot of different communication styles.
And the viewpoint as I began to write this was I didn’t want it to come off like some horrible coach or one of those healpreneurs where they got through some kind of healing and now they claim to have all the answers.
I wanted it to be a memoir and a practical guide for those that might find some guidance or connection to it. Not for everyone. Some people may say, oh, this is completely off. I’m sure my ex would call it all lies. But some people may resonate with it.
From Letter to Book
So in building this, I started to say, okay, I’m going to take this from a letter into a book. And it was July 15, 2025, when that decision was made. That morning, I started doing a rough outline, but beginning what would be a very short intro slash sort of chapter one.
And the weight that came off me when I was starting to create, it felt amazing. It felt empowering. It felt freeing. It felt relaxing. Because I was putting this thing out and my thought was, now I can have this thing beyond the letter to share my view.
To share what happened. To share the elements that I saw. And to share and not warn her, but allow my daughter to see attributes and how to handle them. One of the key elements I stated in and throughout the book was your mother may act like this at times.
She may behave like this at times. She may respond at like this at times. This happened to me. Now in that, this may have nothing to do with you.
And so in my hope there is not to be not to come off with some commentation your mother’s a horrible person but more so she has some traits and she has some stuff going on,
and it may impact you and here’s how to consider it and here’s how maybe you can be a little bit more patient with her,
here’s how you might be able to address her here’s how you might know the times when it might be best when she’s in a certain zone or in a certain place that, all together walking away is probably not avoiding.
But at that point, it may be the best thing that you can do to come back and have a better debate or a better chance of being heard than trying to push through a wall that’s just going to get taller and thicker.
So I began to outline, come back to July 15th a year ago, I began to outline. And it was just a light outline and then going into this introduction slash chapter one idea.
In that freedom and feeling that it was right, and prayer was included too, I began to set up a couple files on my computer like I’d had for some of the other books I wrote. Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll be able to drop this here.
I’ll be able to add this here. I’m going to make it so that as certain things come to mind and certain elements fly in place, that the idea is not going to be, okay, I’ve got to write chronologically or I have to write in this order.
Or this has to go A, B, C, D, but more so as there’s a different concept or a different idea, that those ideas can be put together and not block a morning.
And those ideas can be formatted in a way to allow the creative flow, the memory flow to come out and not get blocked.
Health Issues at the Time
So in that.
I put it down. I went about a part of my day, excuse me, and it wasn’t six hours later, I was on the floor bleeding out. I was in the hospital an hour and a half later. I had passed out twice. I had lost an incredible amount of blood.
I was in an ambulance. They were feeding me up with everything that they could. It was scary. Going into the ER, they brought me right in and then stated, you know, you’re going in for an emergency surgery in an hour. We’re just trying to get the doctor in.
And there was this weird feeling of, you know, what is trying to stop me? But in the middle of it, yes, there were other health things going on. And there’s been a great deal of health issues over the last year and some.
But it was after making this decision of, I am writing this, I am creating this, and then this major blockade and this major attack came.
I was in the hospital, and I had the computer brought to me while I was laying there recovering from the surgery the next day. And like nothing had changed, I picked up and I started writing the second part that was coming to mind.
I was in a great deal of pain. I had tubes and catheters and all sorts of stuff shoved in me.
But I felt this drive and this need to get this done and I saw it again on a larger scale and on a softer scale and on a loving scale but this was not the, look at me and you have to see my side but more so, here is my side you decide what you want to do with it you’ve heard you know my daughter.
You’ve heard her side. You’ve heard her views. You’ve heard a lot of things that are wrong, false claims, things that even my daughter has caught on to and said, this seems like a lie.
And I love when she says, seems like a lie, because I’ve always tried to impress on her the idea of subjectivity, something that her mother does not have, something I have not seen in her mother.
Something that inside of arguments, but that’s for another time, or if you want, see it in the book.
Writing Through Pain
Then there became this worry that, okay, I’ve got to write this thing and I’ve got to get this thing done before something happens to me. So there was a bit of a mix of a pressure of I wanted to heal.
And at the same time, I also wanted to get this thing out in case healing was not going to be part of the plan. And I pushed forward and I wrote every day. After that, a number of other surgeries had to take place.
A number of other setbacks occurred it felt like sometimes it was like a couple steps forward and then twice that amount back,
but in the middle of that in the middle of the pain in the middle of the bed rest in the middle of the medication in the middle of all the doctor’s visits hospital visits numerous times going to the er it was writing,
and it was getting this thing out and it was getting this thing formatted and it was getting this story told, I shared an early version of it with a few people just to say, am I crazy? Is this stupid?
Is this just something that really should in the end be nothing more than an extended letter or a little published pamphlet book for my daughter and no one else?
And the response, there was not one person of the series of people that I gave, that did not say this has to go out on a larger scale.
So I started formatting for the larger scale. I took the considerations of what I put together in the past for books and how I’ve done certain work with other authors and how to lay this thing out, and what to do and what to format and at the same time to educate myself in how this book works.
Had to follow the rules for what’s happening today inside the literary industry. The elements of how AI is treated. You can go in and set up a few ideas for a table of contents. Pop in a one paragraph prompt and you have a 300 page book.
Proving the Truth
So from there I pushed, and I had pushed this for a while, a note on AI and AI use.
Here’s how I used AI. The entire process throughout, because I feel like so many that are writing these days are not transparent, I made sure for myself from the beginning,
that I could track and prove everything not unlike the situation in the case with a narcissistic ex-wife not unlike the situations with elements where all these lies would come in and contradictions but the things that I had saved and the work that I had put together was to show,
no, that’s not true. And here are the different places that I can prove it. And here are the email databases and here’s this and here’s that. And ensuring not to just say, not to just say, okay, it’s a lie, but this is false and here’s why.
So it wasn’t any kind of claim about the idea of here’s a lie. No, it was, this is not true. And this is a false claim because here’s where it backs up. Here’s the proof of it.
Here’s the timeline, here are emails, here are texts, here’s the contradictions, here are bills, here’s what was happening.
Dealing with a person, and I state that in the present tense because it’s still dealing with her, where some elements of her lies she has no control over. I know, and it’s brought a piece.
I know that there’s certain lies that she has just mentally or cognitively convinced herself are absolutely true. And they’re frustrating, and I don’t like that. But at the same time, I take one step back and go, okay, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about that. I can sit here.
I could show her all the proof. And I’ve done that in previous emails. I’ve laid out line by line, and she will still know that’s not true. So I don’t waste my time there. At the same time, there are the other lies where she absolutely knows they’re going on.
I was in a virtual conference with her lawyer and with a judge, and she was up on the Zoom, and I could see when her judge was lying and when she was lying, the shift of tone in her body, where her eyes left the camera.
How even when she shared things, when she shared with this confident cockiness, trying to push over, you know, something that wasn’t true, as opposed to when something was true, where it was able to flow out a little bit more steady.
Lies and Subjectivity
The whole point on this, and it is a little bit of rambling.
Is that I wasn’t going to let these lies go unchecked. And at the same time, I wasn’t going to bullet point for my daughter to say, okay, well, go look at this, go look at this, go look at this, go look at this. That’s my job, not for my daughter.
But what I wanted to have for my daughter, and this is beyond the book, and it was part of what inspired the book, was the idea that if she accessed all the emails, if she saw all the emails, if she would see how I chose to behave.
Yes there were times I was angry but she saw where I asked questions she saw where I responded she saw how I responded, and in that I continued to grow and soften not to become submissive or weak,
but soften in the approach to recognize what I’m dealing with and who I’m dealing with, is a very unhealthy situation and incredibly to me and I’m not diagnosing I can’t do that but I believe her to be a very unhealthy woman,
and in her lack of mental health from what I see, in the cognitive issues that appear to me, I think there is an element of danger in how she presents. And that’s my feeling. A doctor or someone that’s a professional or an expert, they could completely contradict that.
I’m sharing my feelings. I’m sharing in subjectivity. And part of why I’m sharing the subjectivity and sharing with my feelings is to protect myself and protect my word. Because I believe that she would do anything to stop the book from coming out.
Protecting the Story
And here’s the kicker about it.
The whole thing with the book is not to name her. It’s not to embarrass her. It’s not to call her out in front of her friends. I don’t care. I don’t care about her friends knowing. I don’t care about her mother knowing. That’s not the goal.
Yet it seems that’s what she puts the defenses up for. I care about my daughter being able to see another view and I care about the judge being able to see the truth,
this is not a smear campaign I’ve used a pen name even in the middle of the pen name and set that up because I’m coming back myself,
I’m ensured there is absolutely and there hasn’t been for years but I ensure there’s absolutely no tie that I possibly can set up back to her so there’s somebody found out my real name, of trying to tie it to her.
Now, if she does that or her friends do that, or I’ve seen her looking at, I don’t know if she knows it, but I know she’s gone over the social media for the pen name. I know that her sister has. I know that her brother-in-law has.
I’m sure I know that she sent stuff to her lawyer.
I am not surprised in all this because it just, it’s the act of what I feel and what I see as a very sick woman.
And as opposed to taking the different approach of going, okay, how can we make this better for our daughter together? She continues to subscribe to the lies that fit her narrative. She continues to make up.
She continues to forget, and she seems to continue to be, almost just enabled by a group of people that have taken her view, her story, many lies, as the entire truth. And in turn, in this little bubble, it’s given her this power. And her lawyer has given her this power.
And so she can continue in this unhealthy way. Now, I don’t care about that power. I don’t care about her ego. I care about my daughter’s well-being. I care about the right connection and things being healthy and that’s what I’m fighting for.
And with the book in this past year, it was putting it out so that it could be there for those that are in similar situations, showcasing here’s how I handle myself with no lawyer. Here are the ways I approached it. Here’s what I learned.
Here’s how I went in being able to read and understand people so well. Here’s the humility where I didn’t catch it at all. Or when I caught these little things about her.
I failed to put the patterns together. And I say in the book, I think a lot of that has to do with the element of, you know, I was blinded so that I could have my daughter. And if so, so be it.
I don’t regret a single thing that I’ve shared with my daughter. She’s asked, do you regret? Do you regret marrying mommy? Do you regret meeting mommy? And I said, I would go through all this 10 times and 10 times harder just to have my daughter.
A Win of Traction
And I’m still in the middle of it. And coming back to what I said before, a year later, it feels like a win on many levels, but it’s a win of traction. And still, this is perseverance. Still, there are many things to deal with.
I filed something to help get better connection with my daughter, because that connection is stripped and taken away, and I believe abused. And a certain amount of period of time was waited, and her lawyer responds and once the concept is dismissed.
And these small elements or the way that she frames things or the way that she uses the lies, and it turns me back to the element of going, I wonder, is this lawyer as narcissistic as she is?
Or would this lawyer, if she knew the truth, would she continue on this way? And I think that’s part of the problem that I have with lawyers. I guess many of them, regardless, they could know the truth.
And if the truth is going to hurt them, they’re going to bury it, redirect it, move around it, and continue on their attack. And that’s exactly what my ex-wife has done. And maybe she’s found the perfect partner in, for lack of a better word, crime, to do that with her.
And it’s unfortunate that I don’t have the representation at the moment to be able to counter that.
Book Release Strategy
But it’s still a win. The book is out in a series of different formats. It’s out in paperback. It’s out in hardcover. It’s an e-book. It’s an audio book. It’s what I call the skimmer’s edition.
This is a compressed and condensed version that shares chapter titles, opening thoughts, closing thoughts, and a pull quote from each chapter. So if it’s something you want to check out and you say, okay, I don’t want to spend $19.99 or for a paperback or $29.99 for a hardcover.
I don’t know. Okay, fine. Spend $1.99 then if you want for the Skimmer’s Edition ebook or look at some of the social media or the podcast or whatnot, see if that’s for you. I don’t want this to be a bestseller.
I want this to be the representation of an authentic book, sharing my story, sharing some ideas, opening up conversations, helping people possibly, or if it’s a tool that people that help people might use.
To help others, by all means, great. I don’t need five stars. I don’t need the best reviews. If someone hates it, I’m sure my ex does, she has every right to hate it. It’s okay.
But in this, it’s being put out in the most strategically organized way I possibly can, so that it is, that the story stands and can’t be taken down, that other authors might see different ways to approach this. And tomorrow, a year and one day, the large print edition comes out.
It’s in two volumes so that an individual that has…
You know, a hard time reading and they don’t want to use a device. It’s an 18-point font. And that’s also good for the American Disabilities Association.
Helping Other Authors
I’m trying to set this book up, or I’ve tried to set this book up in a way that’s for my story, but that can help and steward to other authors. And the last part of it is helping others that may be scared to tell a story.
They’re worried, not unlike me, that there’s some lawyer or some narcissistic, vengeful person and in the wings and in the shadows, trying to find a way to attack it, to hurt it, to take it down. And in that, how are you protecting your story? Are you stating things subjectively?
Have you changed certain things? Have you added elements? Have you been careful enough in your blueprint? And in your response to anger, in your response to narcissism, gaslighting, passive aggressiveness, All of these elements, are you responding with the same approach that someone else is bringing to you?
I mean, how does that, that’s the one thing I get with some of these different parent groups. You know, they’re so angry and they’re trying to shine a light, except it’s a floodlight. And the light or it’s almost like a darkness that they’re using is showcasing.
Just kind of how harsh they are it doesn’t really help their story when they’re going I can’t stand people that are like this and that do this but they’re using the same techniques the same narcissism the same passive aggressiveness, the same harshness, how does how does fighting fire with fire help there’s so many things that I’ve wanted to say.
And even in the last number of months with the things that my ex has done, and I know that doesn’t help me today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. That doesn’t help my case. That doesn’t help my view.
That doesn’t help if my daughter was over my shoulder reading it. There’s nothing helpful about that. So for that, I bite my tongue, and at times it hurts. But it’s the right thing to do and the right way to do it.
Protective Narrative
And that is, I call it the protective narrative strategy. Building out over that.
And then a week from today, one year and a week after this whole thing started, one year and a week where I’m still alive and I’m celebrating that, because there were a number of touch and go times and I’m thrilled to be here, but a week and one year and I’m going out on a book tour and I have to be careful.
I still have health issues. I’m still recovering right now. And this is not, okay, I’m going to go in and sign a couple of copies. This is a book tour to connect.
This is a tour to get out to these different cities, to meet individuals, whether people that are in the thick of it, whether it’s counselors. I had a wonderful meeting with a psychiatrist yesterday over Zoom.
And we just talked, he talked about different angles and he’s picking up the book himself. And he goes, it’s something I want to look at. I’ve seen these things. This is something I might recommend to my clients, but also to the other people here. Again, not a professional.
I’m not a PhD. I don’t have a degree in this.
Book Tour Ahead
I don’t have a master’s. I don’t have any of this. I have my experience and how I approach this experience.
So in that and in this book tour, it’s meeting different people and it’s meeting them where they’re at and sharing the connection and understanding.
Maybe somebody early on that might see parts of this might identify and get out of a relationship before it’s too late or before a child comes in. Maybe someone else that’s just about to go full fifth gear counterattack realizes that that might not be the best way to go.
Maybe there’s some pieces, again, not the whole book. Maybe they just skip past the memoir entirely. The front of it’s the memoir. The backside of it are 10 appendices that have different ideas. Maybe that’s where someone, it might serve someone better. That’s what this is about.
So this book tour isn’t go out and buy my book and let me sign it for you.
Light Up the Shadows
This is to go and meet different people in different places where they’re at, and share connection and steward, and find a calm where there’s a new level of clarity over what’s been hidden, and that’s why the book title that’s why the book tour is called light up the shadows.
It’s not it’s not expose and explode and attack and this and that, let’s bring accountability into the light and let’s do it carefully and consider the kids that are involved the families that are involved, the situations that are involved.
Let’s bring things into the light so that other people can begin to recognize it. And then maybe some of these people that have the most toxic approaches, some of the worst approaches, maybe they’ll light up and they’ll see it or they’ll begin to recognize.
And maybe they can move themselves to change and become stronger or recognize and alter.
That was the goal from the beginning. So what started as a letter to my daughter that then began as a book a year ago on July 15th to what it is now for others in this situation, for others that can relate to it, for others that may be interested in it, for others that might find elements in it.
Engaging to authors that want to tell stories, to standing out in a day of AI, to the transparency of the writing process, and to the production of the process in today’s writing world. Maybe this is something good. I hope it is. And I hope people will consider giving it a shot.
Fighting for My Daughter
And in that, I call it a win. And I will continue to fight for my daughter and fight for the right thing, for the right connection with her. But as I fight, I’ll fight in a positive way, in a moral way, in a transparent way, in an honorable way. I won’t take her away from her mother. I would never do that.
I will make sure that she has the right access to both parents. I’ll make sure that she is safe in her heart, in her mind, in all elements.
And hopefully, my last hope, my last wish, my prayer, is that my ex can pull down the walls, identify maybe some of these patterns, see the intention of what this is and not the perception of what she’s made it to be.
And that she can heal for herself and more importantly, for her daughter. Because the last thing I want is for her actions, her toxicity, her narcissism, her traits and her patterns to push away her daughter. I don’t want that. And that’s my last hope.
I hope that she can do, not for me, not for anyone else, but for the sake of her relationship with our daughter, because I want that to be the best. And here we are at the year.
ABOUT THE HOST
Neal Winsomer is the author of Calling Out the Shadows: A Father’s Stand Against the Current, a memoir and practical guide, and the host of Calling Out the Shadows: A Clarity Over Comfort Podcast, which he narrates himself. He writes from lived experience inside high-conflict co-parenting, and is careful throughout his work to mark what is his subjective account and what is objective. He makes no claim to clinical expertise and offers no prescriptions. What you take from it is yours.
Published by Neal Winsomer Publishing LLC, an IBPA member (D-U-N-S 145038996), based in Gulf Breeze, Florida. Contact: hello@nealwinsomerpublishing.com.
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Calling Out the Shadows: A Clarity Over Comfort Podcast is hosted by Neal Winsomer. The accompanying book Calling Out the Shadows: A Father’s Stand Against the Current is available now from Neal Winsomer Publishing LLC in paperback, hardcover, eBook, audiobook, large print, and a Skimmer’s Edition. See all formats.
